Saturday, October 13, 2012

Transitions Suck

Transitions. They can be exciting. They can be adventurous. And yet, they can be really challenging. For all their hype, the thesis of this post (can you tell I'm back to student mode): transitions suck.

I have been in LA for about a month and a half now.  My walk to UCLA can be conducted on auto-pilot. I no longer rely on google maps to get me to the basic pit stops. I've definitely gotten fully immersed in course work. I have favorite iPhone apps. I know which grocery stores have the best produce. I know which running routes have sidewalks. My room feels like a refuge.

And yet... I have only begun to build social networks. I miss my old life and communities considerably. I am trying to adjust to living as a frugal student as opposed to living freely as a financially comfortable working adult. To having roommates after years living on my own. To losing control of my work (teachers set coursework, TA/students are at the whims of professors).  To LA's vastly different values and social paradigms. To studying within a quarter system and a large chaotic school.

Looking back, each major transition I have made has been accompanied by a period of grieving, second-guessing, and loneliness. I shouldn't be surprised. It is a natural part of the transition process.

And yet, each time I find that I get impatient. I want to be back to my upbeat, enthusiastic, social self. I want to flash-forward several months to when I feel known and connected. I know it'll happen. I just need to ride out the low.

In these periods, I find I just don't write. But perhaps it is better to be honest with myself that life isn't all roses right now, and that that is okay.